Bookstore reconsiders books; Starbucks to follow?
By Madison Biloxi
Fun Star Contributor
The following story is satire and is not intended to be taken seriously.
In what can only be described as a startling move, the UAF bookstore announced a new business plan this week. They’re going back to bricks and mortar, and what’s more, all textbooks will be current or former New York Times best sellers.
“We took a long, hard look at our situation,” said Eileen Dover, spokesperson for the Associate Staff and Students Helping Our Lame Educational System “The bookstore was losing money and students and faculty were disappointed. Sometimes students didn’t get books until the 10th week of classes under the old system.”
The plan to use best sellers is two-fold. The books are more appealing, Dover said, and easier to acquire. Plus, with the recent move by big-box stores like Wal-mart to offer big discounts, publishers have lowered prices on popular titles.
“It’s a win-win,” said Richard Burns, Associate Vice-Director of ASSHOLES. “We believe this arrangement will bring new life to the educational experience. The pedagogical implications are exciting.”
Students in Math F108 will adopt Yann Martel’s “Life of Pi,” while Geography 101 students will read the Thomas Friedman modern classic, “The World is Flat.” Music students in the Fall 2010 semester will enjoy Nicolas Sparks’ recent “The Last Song,” and natural resources management grad students will dissect Sue Monk Kidd’s “The Secret Life of Bees.”
Some faculty who have embraced the change are using the new bookstore model to significantly revise class syllabi. Professor Terrence Cole, who teaches History 131, History of the United States, decided to use the popular “Twilight” series as his core texts.
“I think Edward and Bella’s relationship is a terrific stand-in for Abraham and Mary Lincoln,” he said. “It’s going to be really terrific.”
Cole plans to supplement these texts with Seth Grahame-Smith’s recent release, “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.”
“We finally have a look at the real Lincoln,” Cole said. “The blood simply adds to the natural human drama.”
While the English Department has expressed some reservations about assigning students novels the general population actually reads, Dover said campus-wide reaction has remained generally positive.
“I’ve always stayed away from courses taught on West Ridge,” said UAF sophomore Chris Bingham. “But with this new system, I figure I’ll understand a lot more. Especially with the books that come with reading group guides in the back.”