FUN STAR: Hipster Studies program to be introduced this fall
By Aaron Walling
Sun Star Reporter
(This piece satirical and should not be taken seriously.)
After years of petitions and campaigns, UAF has finally brought hipster studies to campus. This is a huge step forward for hipsters in the school, giving them the proper recognition they deserved.
“We hipsters are a misunderstood, but valuable part of the community,” Herman Albuquerque, locally renowned hipster-lord said. “We account for almost five percent of the crafting exports in town and 60 percent of the landfill cleaning.”
Hipster Studies will be coming this fall with numerous courses being implemented. With many people wanting new courses, a course list was drafted and approved by Chancellor Brian Rogers last week. Here is a list of courses:
- Beanie Weaving
- MySpace Programming
- Hemp Knitting
- Art Appreciation of Flannels
- Lens Flare Photography
- Instagram Math
- Beginner Dubstep
- The Art of Using the #
UAF did its homework, looking for the best teachers to headline this program and UAF delivered, getting Skrillex, Taylor Swift, Paul Bunyan look-a-like and Chris DeWolfe.
Not everyone agrees about the decision about allowing the hipster studies, with some voicing their opinions.
“Obviously, hipsters, male or female, produce a distinct irritation in me, one that until recently I could not explain,” Christy Wampole, sophomore art student, said.
“Nobody hates hipsters more than hipsters,” Tim Heidecker, senior mountaineering student, said.
However, classes are not the only thing being affected by the changes. There will be also a change in Dining Services who will dedicate Saturdays to “Seattle Saturdays” by bringing authentic Seattle cuisine. Also, Dining Services will have Saturdays gluten free and have the theme of “Sleepless in Seattle” nights, meaning they won’t close on Saturday night to provide more time for students to stay up longer than it’s cool to.